Champagne Year – St. Vincent

strangemercyIf you believe “champagne year” as flat words, then this song must seem so stupid to you. For me, she’s driving home a major amount of sarcasm when she delivers the words to this song. As I finish up my 30th year, I’m reminded of all the things I didn’t do that I wanted to do this year. In the end, I feel like I fell apart and am now ready to look inside and rebuild. I don’t know what the answers are or where I’m going. Recently I’ve been wondering what my mom wanted to do when she grew up. I don’t want to ask over the phone, but I’ll see her within a month. How did her plan go? Because as St. Vincent tells us, “It’s not a perfect plan, but it’s the one we’ve got.” Life has taken me to some places– sometimes I feel like it’s abandoned me in others. I don’t know what to make out of all the things I’ve seen. Should it have been over at 10? Should I have succumbed to cancer and been a statistic? I didn’t, so God would say “No.” It’s not in the plan. But for years now I’ve been wondering what the plan could possibly be. Even if I could lift the cover page and look at it for a moment, would things make some sense? Will things catch up to me in Wilkes-Barre or should I be in some other part of the world tracking something down? What success should I be hoping for? There have been times when I expected “a choir at the shore and confetti through the fallen air,” but that hasn’t happened yet. And I can only hope I’m not the only person wondering these things.

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